December 21st, 2005

New Tilley Hat

'Twas The Week Before Christmas

'War On Christmas' A Distraction
Congressman John Dingell (D-Mich.), who just marked his 50th year in the House of Representatives, offered this poem prior to passage of House Resolution 579 aimed at protecting Christmas.

'Twas a week before Christmas and all through the House,
no bills were passed 'bout which Fox News could grouse.
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
so vacations in St. Barts soon should be near.
Katrina kids were all nestled snug in motel beds,
while visions of school and home danced in their heads.
In Iraq, our soldiers need supplies and a plan,
and nuclear weapons are being built in Iran.
Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell.
Americans feared we were in a fast track to ... well.
Wait, we need a distraction, something divisive and wily,
a fabrication straight from the mouth of O'Reilly.
We will pretend Christmas is under attack,
hold a vote to save it, then pat ourselves on the back.
Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger,
Wake up, Congress, they're in no danger.
This time of year, we see Christmas everywhere we go,
From churches to homes to schools and, yes, even Costco.
What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy
when this is the season to unite us with joy.
At Christmastime, we're taught to unite.
We don't need a make-up reason to fight.
So on O'Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter and those right-wing blogs.
You should sit back and relax, have a few egg nogs.
'Tis the holiday season; enjoy it a pinch.
With all our real problems, do we really need another Grinch?
So to my friends and my colleagues, I say with delight,
a Merry Christmas to all, and to Bill O'Reilly, Happy Holidays.
New Tilley Hat

The War On Wednesday

A letter to the editor the Strib probably won't print.

As I was getting my morning cup of coffee, the clerk said, "Happy Holidays!" in a cheerful and bright manner than made me smile. Immediately, the grinch next to me ruined the mood. "Why is there such a war on Christmas? Why can't people use the correct name for the day?" And with a humph, he turned to leave , waving us off, "Have a nice day."

But... but... but... it was Wednesday! A day that is named after the Anglo-Saxon god Woden, the equivalent of the Scandinavian Odin. Jesus was a nice guy who would take pleasure in anyone spreading happiness, but Odin was a vengeful god. The War on Wednesday is a serious attack on European culture and we should protest loudly.

Good Wednesday, ladies and gentlemen.