Baron Dave Romm (barondave) wrote,
Baron Dave Romm
barondave

Sharing Pluto's Demotion

A Shockwave Top 11 List

Pluto was demoted from "planet" to "dwarf planet" by the International Astronomical Association. The other eight "wanderers" are now Planets Classic and will be marketed with a new red stripe and Michael Jackson.

Well, sure, fine. The new definitions won't change how science is conducted, and won't stop astronomers from peering through telescopes. The is PR only, sort of like a Bush press conference. But as long as we're redefining the Solar System, let's examing a few other lists. Herein we present:

The Top 11 Things Which Deserve Demotion

11. Commandment Number 9, Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness. With so many self-proclaimed "Christians" lying and believing lies the name of Jesus, and doing it for legal proceedings such as declaring war or passing environmental laws, clearly telling the truth has no place in the religious pantheon. The Nine-Commandment Christians can now rest easy that the sin of lying is considered too small to guarantee eternal damnation. The 9th Commandment is now a suggestion.

10. Doc. Six Dwarves can handle the mining while Doc can work full time finding a way to relieve the symptoms of Sneezy, a prescription stimulant for Sleepy and a development program for Dopey. Don't consider it a demotion, Doc, consider it a research grant.

9. Batman isn't a super-hero, he has no superpowers. He's an important crime-fighter, to be sure, but I demote him to Dwarf Hero, not because of his stature, but because of his eccentric career path. Being a Hero is enough, Bruce.

8. Lake Michigan hangs down from the string of Great Lakes and isn't in the path of the drainage system that starts at the Boundary Waters and feeds through Lake Superior and works its way down the St. Lawrence River to the Atlantic. Sure, it's big and important, but it's not in the watery ecliptic and doesn't deserve to be a Great Lake. A Really, Really Good Lake.

7. Beethovan's Second Symphony. It's pretty good, and most would argue that it's a symphony, but it pales beside the more famous Fifth and Ninth and I'm going to knock it down to Arrangement.

6. Star Wars Ep. 1-3 shall be knocked down from Episodes to Prequels. This long overdue reassessment won't change box office numbers, but will help future cinema scientists evaluate their importance.

5. Top 11 List Number 5 has been demoted to Cheap Joke, because I couldn't think of anything really funny.

4. The 21st Century. More study is needed to determine if enough years have passed. Currently being considered as the Outer Decade. The Aughts.

3. Baseball isn't a sport anymore. Fun to play on an amateur level: Drug-sodden on the professional level. It's clearly not a "sport" in the sense of a fair contest between teams. For most of us, baseball is a pastime. For those making millions, it's a Die Young and Leave A Good Looking Corpse Professional Entertainment Vehicle (PEV).

2. Big Brother: All Stars has been demoted from Reality Show because, you know, who cares?

1. The Electron is demoted from an atomic particle to a mere mesonic symbol. The electron is too small and doesn't move like the rest of the larger and more stationary particles such as the proton and neutron. Quantum Physics gives the electron a whole new role. Oh well.
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